you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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