then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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