Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
