omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
