i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
