once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
