How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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