I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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