i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
