I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
