Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I look better un-naked...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
