So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
