Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
