that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
