people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
