You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
smell my finger.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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