Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
