Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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