i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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