I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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