So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
