WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
