do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
