I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
