like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
