So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
