This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
