Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
