i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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