loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
