Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
