he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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