Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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