I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
