My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
