so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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