see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
