i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
