mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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