the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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