thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
