The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
