I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
