i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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