Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Be still, my beating vagina.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
