i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
