I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
