K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
