I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
