we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
