WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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