and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
