She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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