I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
one might say we're banned from that church
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
